People who are legally dead
Conventional morality and legality will tell you that every person, nay, every living being on Earth, nay, in the Universe has an equal right to existence. Yes, we are all like chocos in a pack, we come from the same elementary soil and have the same basic goal in life, so we are equal.
Pshaw! Very clearly, by experiences in my previous and next days of life, I have uncovered startling evidence that this is not true. People are NOT the same. Some of us are assholes, some of us are niceholes. Take the example of James, the power ranger from planet Xion. With his superistic superpowers(tm), he saves the world from bad by ridding it of slimy people like criminals, lesbians and free-willed sailors.
Take also, since I am in a generous mood, the example of NotsoJames (aka Christopher Columbus), a lesbian criminal. It is clear that he is dangerous. To sanity and much else.
It follows from our above calculations that James IS NOT EQUAL TO NotsoJames. NotsoJames is a negative in the equation of good which has to be maximized with respect to the rest of us (neutral) observers. We will have to kill him. Mercilessly and with optional glee.
After countless seconds of nerve-wracking thought, I have finally come up with a list of people who have to die, and the reasons they should be put to rest. Since I am still in a generous mood, I will also suggest a method of death. In no particular order, then (except for number one, who’s clearly number one):
1. Benny Hinn
Suggested MOD: Push him into the ground so he slowly fall into the holy healing coals of blessed straight razors. And be healed.
2. The Autorickshaw Driver Who Thinks Vision is for Wimps
The sudden U-turns, the erratic cutting, the 2-cm safety margin… Everything points to a well-thought out wish to become one with his maker, Satan. It’s only fair that one day one of us buys an SUV solely to make his wish come true. The heavier the better, since these guys are reported to survive Nuclear Holocausts even.
MOD: As mentioned above. Optionally, declare an auto-only day on city roads. They’ll drive each other to death, for lack of weaker targets. The survivors can be lined up and shot.
3. Himesh Reshammiya
You may wonder why he’s here. After all, he isn’t really hurting anyone, is he? It’s a long story, and it gets serious, involving Popeye the sailor at points.
If it’s true that enough people are enjoying his (questionable) music, it begs the question, “Are Indians really that unevolved a race?“, which in turn asks, “Are we, therefore, unfit to rule ourselves by way of a democracy? Are the same people who vote for Himesh Reshammiya on Somechannelortheother’s Top Ten show voting for our nation’s leaders?”
I think that answers your question. Popeye? He’s there. Trust me.
MOD: Anyhow, anyway, right now. Before he collaborates with Anoushka Shankar.
4. Crooked Cops
They’re cops, but instead of looking out for Dawood Ibrahim or the aforementioned nose, they harass (relatively) innocent people who’re doing nothing more criminal than smoking pot outside their house at 12 in the night, looking at the moon, and thinking about Alice In Wonderland.
They do it not because of the conscientious drive that drives mister policeman, but because they’re always in friggin ‘look-out for bribe’ mode. So while bombs blast merrily in various public and government places, they’re about saving young men from ruining their lives by being stupidly happy. Someone should return the favour.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against bribes. I guess the temptation is hard to resist. It would be nice if bribes didn’t come above the few slightly more worthwhile ideals.
MOD: Line them up, bring them to their knees by careful amputation of their below-knees so they can’t kick-back and.. That’s it. I just wanted to use the kick-back joke. HAR! The atmosphere is so humorous now. I can smell the sulphur.
More to come, when <something or the other>.. I must be off now to fight the criminals, and the justice people who want my skin, both fore and aft. Tally ho, and stuffs.